The emotional side of me.

When I was alone with Darius, as I hold him safely in my arms, close to me, and as I looked into his alert eyes, I felt the very special love for him coming from somewhere deep from my heart. I can feel the special closeness we have. Sometimes, tears just get welled up in my eyes. It's tears of happiness that I could not expressed with words. He has finally arrived. Yes, finally arrived, safe and sound. I was very happy to see him opening his little eyes with double eyelids, flinging his tiny hands, kicking his tiny legs, and sucking his thin, tiny fingers.

The journey with him inside my tummy, though it seems very long and eventful, was a very special one indeed. He has been part of my life the day he's conceived. The positive and negative emotions, the ups and downs of my life, that he had been through with me while growing inside me, were experiential. He been through with me in setting up a partnership, making it work, realised I had been stupid, got out of partnership, clearing up the mess created by my biz partner, emptying the office, arguments and cold wars with my hubby, throwing temper at my ABC, hating and doubting my God, etc. Thinking what my ex biz partner got me into, I still cannot forgive this couple, and I had never hated someone in my life so much. Thinking of how i was lured into trusting them totally, my hair will stand. They are a great con man couple. But all these had made me stronger and smarter. I was exhausted many times with the weight that I carried and having to rush here and there, up to a point whereby I cannot even talk due to breathlessness. I was in tears many times. There are also times of fear of mine that Darius is not born normal. But I did my "tai jiao" whenever I had negative thoughts. I imagined sending positive "energy ball" from the sun and the universe to him, and told him to help mommy by growing up healthy, happy and smart. And come into this beautiful world safely and smoothly. I told him to use his own ability and energy to cure himself of any illness and disability before his birth. He did! And he's born healthy and normal. I am very glad. While he's still in my tummy, I also told him that the negative emotions that mommy had do not concern him at all, and have nothing to do with him :)

I can't stop loving my darling Darius, and will commit to nurturing him like his gor-Gor and two Jie-Jie :)