I lost my temper again :(

This afternoon, I lost my temper at Aloysius again. I felt like just run away from home for a moment :( But I cannot. Felt so stuck - physically and mentally. How? I had no patience to feed him his lunch. He kept turning his head here and there, and I am so tired of chasing after him to feed him. After he finally finished his lunch, asked the maid to bring him to urine in the toilet. And he cried and cried and cried. Haiz... Everything is "mama mama mama..." Then he urine on my bed :( I asked him to "get down the bed" and "go away". I was very wary of using the word "go away". I cannot tolerate anymore, and I really want him to be out of my sight before I throw my temper on him, so I used the words.

I am aware of the cries of Aloysius, Bernice and Charlene, and felt so guilty. I should not let them cry too much and throw temper when they want or do not want something. From birth to 3 years old is the important period for development of their character. Some people say it's a "habit". How? Bernice and Charlene have been crying very badly for milk. Think they are having a growth spurt too. Last few nites, they cried louder. They used to just move or make some noise, and I will feed them. No cries in the dark at all. For the past few nites, things had changed. I had to keep waking up too. Alternate feed non-stop for a couple of nites already! More frequently, they want milk at the same time.

I am so exhausted now. I just popped 4 Indinine and going to pop more Vplus for more energy. Think I will skip lunch today. Indinine and Vplus for lunch...

Ok... the more negative I am, the worse it will get. Crying will not solve the problem rite? But it can release some of my mental stress. It's a mental torture of the things I will do when I get angry and knowing that I should not. Ok... What about something positive?

Since my venting here last week, Aloysius can be off diapers for his nap. NO more bed wetting for nap. After last week's episode, I apologised and talked to Aloysius. I followed Shichida's recommendation on discipline. He forgave me.

Oh.. I suddenly felt like going to the temple for some peace. Probably will go to the temple later before meeting Nicholas tonite. I really look forward to meeting him tonite. I am a bit lost on how to cope with business and family effectively. I do not agree with putting my children with the maid or care giver overnight. The kind of bonding during their growing up years is very important and will be gone forever if I do not cherish it now. Nicholas really can balance his family and business. I wanna learn from him. He's very successful, I would say.

Ok back to the positive things...

Aloysius will now poo poo in the toilet. Wiping of puddles of urine is less frequent now. He can wake up with a dry diaper in the morning too. At nite, I gotta wake up at about 3am to bring him to the toilet to urine. He responds to "sssshhhhhhhh...." During his afternoon nap, I gotta bring him to the toilet to urine every 1 hour 15 minutes.
Aloysius is now an expert in piecing up puzzles and he loves it. He's getting more interested in art and craft during his Julia Gabriel class too.
Aloysius can count from one to thirty in English already. The next target is one to forty.
Aloysius has very good memory. He's interested in reading books too. Every night, and every morning, he will want me to read at least 2 books to him. I am quite tempted to buy the Eric Carle books that he likes - "Polar bear, polar bear, what do you hear?" and "Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?"
Bernice will urine in the potty. She will also poo poo in the potty. That's a very good start for potty training.
Bernice can flip left and right. She can crawl quite a distance.
Bernice has a very good concentration span too. She will stare at the checker board for quite a while when she wakes up.
Charlene can flip left and right too. And she can also crawl quite a distance.
Charlene loves flashcards. She will stare at the cards for 15 minutes. I mean many cards for 15 minutes. If just one card, perhaps a few seconds.
Charlene love to read too. I read to her and she will be very attentive.

It's so much fun to play with all my ABC. I am feeling so much better now. Thanks to Indinine and Vplus. I think it will be even better with nMA and chloreana, I heard. They are the enhanced version with astaxanthin added, and more potent. Will take nMA and Chloreana after my Indinine and Vplus finish :)