Self Reflections.

I have been losing my temper a few times a week at Aloysius :( Part of the reason is cos I am very tired. And I flared up when he did something that I dun like. This morning, I raised my voice at him when he used his leg to splash his urine on the floor. Yesterday, at Shichida class, towards the end of the lession, he refused to do the activities and chose to walk around the class. I felt so exhausted. I gotta find a way to de-stress somewhere. I have been tolerating all the explorations of Aloysius. Sometimes, when I see him playing on his own, I felt so guilty that I do not have "enough" time for him. By the way, how much is enough? Just to make myself feel better, I just read from Shichida's book that kids need to have some time to play on their own, to explore on their own. I just felt that I can teach him more. At least Aloysius can play on his own. He's a very happy boy. He laughs at his own exploration. He laughs when playing with other kids. He laughs looking at his own reflection. He also laughs when I am angry.

Yesterday, when I was exhausted after his class, he walked to the MRT, walked down the stairs, boarded the train, stood on the train, alighted the train, all on his own. Along the way to the MRT station, there was a few kids playing and laughing. He joined in for a while. I just stood beside till he's finished. He could balance quite well in the moving train. Then he walked home too! Otherwise, he will want to be carried. He asked me to carry a few times, but I told him, "mama is tired." Then he said, "mama tired", and continued to walk. He's such an understanding boy, isn't he? When we were about to reach home, I carried him in my new Ergo carrier. I explained to him why I was angry, and apologised to him if I had hurt his feelings. Aloysius is forgiving. When I asked him if he will forgive mama, he said, "yes".

Haiz… I need to “cure” my sleepless nights. And also exercise to de-stress. I am thinking of waking up early in the morning to swim before ABC wake. Hmm… still thinking… hahaha… For my sanity and the sake of ABC, I must start to swim. Hope it will help me in de-stressing and in controlling my temper.

I realized that I am very “fierce” and can get violent when I get angry :( Luckily, I do not own a cane at home. Hmm… if I were to blame on something, it gotta be my upbringing by nanny. When I was young, my nanny would tolerate all my “nonsense” and then flared up with a cane and gave me a “fierce” beating. These caning episodes, anger, actions, are deeply etched in my subconscious mind. When I am tired, the kind of anger and reactions will come out from me. I will try my best to control myself. I dun want these violence to transfer to my kids’ subconscious mind. Patience and keep cool…

Potty training:

Aloysius will sit in the little potty to urine on his own now :) The only improvement needed is to teach him how to remove his shorts before sitting on the potty. Hahaha…

Charlene is now interested in the windmill at the window. It shows that she can see quite a distance and colors already :) Bernice seems to be able to see my facial expressions.and she is so smiley. Time for words flashcards. I gotta call Lawrence of GDBaby for a review on Aloysius’ reading skills.